I just returned from work and my phone rang. It was a friend of mine that told me he received a call from another life long friend and that his 15 yr old Daughter had committed suicide this weekend....
I was stunned, shocked and saddened by such a loss... How could a 15 Yr. Old girl have so many problems that she would want to end her life rather than get help.. I know it's not easy to be a teen, I was one once... I can't say that going through those times, I didn't think about it. Once when the love of my life, cheated on me. I was going to show her!! But I didn't, instead, I broke up with her and life went on. Another time, when I was having a tough time with Cocaine... I had just spent my rent money on drugs and couldn't borrow anymore, I didn't have any more money to get more coke and I had to go home and face my wife and my baby boy and tell her that I wasn't going to be able to pay the rent and that we were probably going to be evicted. I was driving my '74 Monte Carlo along a stretch of road that was lined with Eucalyptus Trees, I was going about 80 MPH and I knew that all I had to do was jerk the wheel to the right and all my problems would be over... but instead, I went home and faced my wife, figured out how to make it right, went into treatment. Spent 28 days getting clean and sober and then went back to my family. A year later, I was divorced and raising my baby on my own.
The thing that saved me was the thought that my child would one day ask his mother, "What happened to my dad?" and his mother would tell him that he couldn't handle living life without drugs and Alcohol and he killed himself. What kind of pressure would that put on a child!!! I've been clean and sober ever since. 25yrs...
The thought of losing my child to suicide is FRIGHTENING! I just can't imagine the pain that this little girls parents are going through... just think of all the things going through their minds right now, "did we miss something"... were there signs that they didn't pay attention to... HOW COULD SHE DO THIS !!! So sad....
When my own daughter was 14, she took 7 Tylenol and then told her stepmother, I was out of town working. My ex called me hysterical and asked me what to do, I told her to take her to the hospital. They in turn, asked if they could send her to a place where she could learn to deal with some of the issues she had from her past. ( I'll get into that at another time) She spent 3 weeks in a place where other kids that tried to hurt themselves were staying and since then, she's been pretty good. Of course she still deals with things but she's learned one VERY important thing...
SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.
My friends have asked what to say to these people that just lost their child. I told them to leave them alone right now, they need to be with close family. You can't tell them you know how they feel, unless you've lost a child as well and I think that if I was them, at this stage, I would want to work through some very sad times before I started answering questions about my dead daughter...
Then, offer support, take over something for the family to eat and then be there if and when they need someone to talk to.
Such a sad thing...
9 comments:
For what it's worth, I'd say since your friend is a life long friend of the girl's parent....it's likely to be appreciated if he or she reached out now. I speak from the point of view of having lost a daughter myself.
It is possible that many are actually avoiding the family right now, because they don't know what to say. It was so frustrating when that happened. It wasn't as if my daughter's death was contagious.
Conversely, others that are not close at all may be coming out of the woodwork because some people love to watch a train wreck. That is so disingenuous and makes a grief stricken parent feel a bit like a freak show.
That is why I say if someone is a long standing friend, they should go to the parents now and let the parents lead the way. Maybe they want to talk. Maybe just having someone sit in the same room will be what they want. They'll let them know.
Either way, if a lifelong friend of mine did not show up right away, I'd be miffed.
Won,
Thank you for your comment. Yes, a life time friend should offer support. We have "known" each other since kindergarden but we haven't stayed in touch since leaving High School. Our life directions lead us different ways. I do know what you're saying though. For my friend and I, it would be better to stay out of the way at this time so that those that are closer to the parents can offer the support you need and then we can help out later as needed.
Thank you for stopping by sharing you're thoughts, they are appreciated.
I have heard tooooooo much in the past few weeks about child suicides. It is awful. Just awful!
Just when I thought it was enough to have to explain to my children about relationships and sex and drugs and alcohol.. now I have to talk about this too?
*sigh*
So very proud of you for finding your strength at a really tough time in your life. Very proud of you.
Mr. Lonely,
I'll check out your blog, thanks for stopping by my little corner of the Net!
Good morning T
One day, I'll share my story here... but it will have to wait until I have more time!
Have a great day!
Hello KC, I found your blog through Sweetly Unassuming.
I have four children - and a crazy ex in jail for attempting to shoot me. LOL, enough drama filled blog fodder for a life time!
One thing I've learned becoming a single parent and watching my children work through their grief is that kids process things so much differently than we adults do. Even when you're doing everything you think you should, well your kids don't always see, appreciate, or understand it.
I'm forcing my older two to go to couseling since everything happened between the X and I, and all I can do is have faith that I'm doing everything I can to help them. God willing my efforts and a good counselor will help my kids work through all their issues.
This is so very tragic. I'll be back. I like your blog, and hopefully better things will happen in your life to share with us all.
Hello Little Ol' Me
Thank you for your comments. You sound like a strong person having gone through so much and then being there for your children to help them work through such difficulty. My hats off to you!
Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the Net.
KC
Another kid in our small little town hung himself.... the first one was a 15 yr. Old Girl. Now a 13 Yr. Old Boy... both within 2 weeks of each other.
No problem is worth KILLING yourself for.
Kids need time on this earth to get through all of those problems that will pass as they get older... They'll look back on those things and laugh... or cry... if they just give themselves a chance...
So sad...
This makes me sad, KC.
I know about those suicides (Marin has had many in recent years); and as a mom of a teen (and as a former teen myself), I know how confusing, sad and alienating those years can be.
My heart goes out to your friend, the family and friends and to you. You were brave when you needed to be, and because of that your kids have a dad.
Hi Kat,
Yes, a sad thing indeed. There is a monument on the hill where the little girl hung herself... I've hear conflicting stories as to what would drive her to such a thing... but it seems Boyfriend problems the most likely. If she just allowed herself to live a little longer... she would have seen that those are the least of the problems she would face as she grew up. Now, she'll never know..
It could have been my daughter.. I'm glad it wasn't.
Thank you for stopping by.
KC
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