Friday, December 31, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

Just a quick note wish my 6 readers a Happy New Year.

I hope that you all make it the best year of your life to date!

Hugs and Kisses to you all,

KC

Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy Holiday's

Just wanted to thank those of you that sent messages to me. Things are better.....

It's going to be a rough first of the year and I'll deal with it "One Day at a Time"

Happy Holiday's to you all!

Hugs and kiss' to you all!
KC

Monday, December 20, 2010

It just keeps giving and giving.....

Sunday morning the girl that comes in to help care for my Alzheimer's mother was getting her out of bed and walking her to the bathroom, I was in my office when I heard a LOUD crash.... I jumped up and ran into the room to find my mom rigid on the floor and the girl freaking out... I've seen this one before. She had a Seizer and had labored breathing... I calmed my girlfriend and the helper and asked them to call 911.... her eyes were glazed and non responsive. The firemen came within minutes and a few minutes later she stated to respond.... her  eyes blinked and I knew she was going to be OK. they took her to the hospital and she came back.....

I spent hours in the hospital..... they don't move very fast... it was raining and  I I had to bring her home.. Why do things always happen in December?

She's OK I was calm...I hope it stops soon.....

Friday, December 17, 2010

A night to forget... or remember...

Yesterday was a drag.... no other way to describe it. It started off like any other. Coffee, schedule the day, make phone calls. Then it went to hell....

For the last 5 years, I've had a back and shoulder problem. I take Soma when I need it to relax the muscles and it helps get me through the day. Not everyday, just when the weather is bad and the body is acting up... I'm not proud of this but I've found that it helps.... you see, I haven't drank alcohol in 27 years. I've been in AA since 1986. I've been proud of the fact that I can go out with friends and be the driver to make sure everyone gets home safely. My doctor has given me other medication to try and relieve the aches and pains. I hurt my back long ago L4/L5 and I used to speed ski behind 100 mile per hour boats... I was good at it, but one day, I crashed. I chipped a vertebrae and I have a bone chip that floats around in my back... most of the time, it doesn't bother me but when it does, my legs stop working and I'm laid up for a week or two. In the last 2 months I got Tennis Elbow, now, I don't play tennis but it causes severe pain. The work I do requires me to do heavy lifting and many days I'm in pain... so, I got a prescription for Soma to help make me feel better. When the weather gets cold, my pains act up so I took some Soma, as prescribed... but after 2 hours, it wasn't helping so I took two more....

 Right after I took them, my girlfriend called and asked if I could deposit some checks in her bank account. I said "no problem" I drove down to the bank and thats when the Soma hit me. I think I had an allergic reaction because I started shaking. I decided to drive home because I knew something was wrong... I pulled into a parking lot to go back the other way, it was crammed with cars trying to park and I bummed a car with my truck, I truck turns like a bus but still, it was the Meds that made me mis judge the space and I tapped the cars rubber bumper. No damage but still, I got out and talked to the woman that owned the car. We started to exchange information when I realized I had left my wallet on my desk... she call the police..I was slurring because the Soma was just hitting me. The police officer asked if I had been drinking and I told him no but he could tell something was wrong. I told him I had taken a perscription medication and that I thought I was having a reaction to it... well, he call the paramedics.. and all hell broke loose.... See, 2 of the cops working that day are friends of mine but they couldn't do anything... I felt so embarrassed. I had to ride in an ambulance to the hospital and by the time I got there, the affects of the Soma had calmed down BUT , because of the ordeal, I was given a DUI.....I'm devastated... I spend last night watching the football game in a holding cell. Now, the town I live in has a pretty Low key jail and all the officers were very kind. I wasn't handcuffed and demeaned but I had to stay there for 4 hours.

In the last 27 years.... this was the lowest I've felt that I can remember... I've been using Soma for a long time and I have on a couple of occasions had these affects but the back pain made it worth the problem.... NOW,  I have to face all my friends that have known me to be a non drinker. Leading a clean life and tell them that I abused my prescription and that what I've been doing to relieve the pain has know become a problem. As they say, If it causes a problem,,,,, it's a problem....  I feel sick, depressed and with all the other things that I deal with now I'm going to have to have a record, Have a restricted license, pay who knows how much in fines and face my friends that are cops in my town. I'm more embarrassed that I can describe. I feel like I've let so many people down..... Today, I just didn't want to leave the house, one of the cops on duty is my friend from junior high, another has been my neighbor forever....

And the topper, I had to call my girlfriend to come and get me.... Thank god it wasn't on a day that I had to be home to be with my Alzheimer mother I don't know what I would have done then...

This note will continue as I find out what is going to happen..... Scared, pissed, embarrassed, ashamed,,,,,
They say some good things come from bad.... I hope so...

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sometimes things just suck

This weekend started out great, I went and got my 12 yr. old and we had a great day just being guys... he kicked my ass at Madden10 and loved every minute of it... then I got the call from my Daughter that her car wasn't working, she has a 25 yr. old boyfriend that she lives with and he doesn't do SHIT to help her out...


so, I drove to Sacramento (110 miles) to find out that her motor is shot and that she needs another car... her BF doesn't think he should help her even though they've lived together for 4 years... what a SHMUCK! So, since she doesn't have money, no credit and is still staying with this guy, I have to help her find a car she can drive to work.... I love being a dad.......

THEN, my GF and I were going to meet a couple for some "fun" and because I didn't want to be on a "sex" sight, I gave them my email so they could email me and we could set things up... I told her all about it but she had a FIT...I was at the point of sending her home.... except I let her use my car because her car is broken and with the rain I haven't been able to get out to fix it. She started to yell. I don't do well with yelling I pulled my trck up to the front of her car to jump it so she could leave. I talked... she yelled...  What's going to happen from here on out..... I don't know.... But yelling isn't the answer







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Monday, December 6, 2010

A day in my life

Well, it's Monday night and I'm home watching the football game... nearly alone...
You see, something about my life I haven't shared with many people is...
I have a 79 year old Mother that lives with me. She had Alzheimer's  and is like a year old child.
I don't take care of her all myself, I have a sister that comes down to spend 10 days a month with her so that I can have a life. I also have a company that comes in to take care of her during the day so that I can work.
I used to work 5 days a week and i would travel or go away on the weekends.. Someday I'd like to do that again.. I love spending time with my children but as they get older, it's tougher and tougher to get them to hang out with dad. Friends are important.

I have a few good friends and I schedule my time so that I can spend time with them. I also have a VERY understanding girlfriend that helps when she can. She has a busy life too and I hate to ask her to help out when she has her own daughter to deal with... and she's a handful.

If you've never had to care for an elderly parent.... it's an experience that don't wish upon anyone. Bathing her, changing her undergarments, getting her ready for bed.... I have an electronic eye that keeps watch in her room so that I can sleep at night and it will go off if she tries to get out of bed. Lately that doesn't happen... luckily! for 6 months, I lived on 40 minutes of sleep, then up for a half hour, back to sleep for 40 minutes..... it almost killed me...

The reason I'm writing about this is... because, I've never written about it before....
People ask me how I do it and still have a life... well, my life bends around her needs. If I have something planned, I pay a company to come and watch her while I'm out. If I get enough notice, I can work it around my sisters visits...

SO many times I've wanted to just throw in the towel and put her in a home. Mostly when I'm having to deal with it and I'm tired... and then I think about it...

I've led a pretty exciting life, I've done a lot of things in my time, I've done some REALLY crazy things as well and I can't count how many times I've escaped death or worse, Many, many times.... and I think about all those times I've escaped being could have woken up in a hospital crippled from head to toe... and then I think about what my mother would have done if that had happened when she was able... and you know what? She would have done the same thing I'm doing for her....

I've worked on jobs that were in old peoples homes..... they make me sick the way they care for their patients.... dirty, uncaring... I know that my mother would have NEVER put me in one of those homes,,,,, and that's why I care for her.... she would have done it for me.

So, it's Christmas/Holiday time and I'm getting invited to a lot of parties... some Vanilla, some not... and I'm having to thank them and decline especially  if it's spur of the moment...

But I'm not complaining, I'm thankful for the times when she's walking down the hall and she looks up at me and all of a sudden her eyes come into focus and she says... " Oh hi KC..... it's so nice to see you." and then she fades away again.... but I know, in that small moment.... that her only son made an impressing on her and somewhere in that dying brain.... I have my own little spot that she can still go to even if it's few and far between....

Enjoy every moment of every day.... it can all come to an end in a blink of an eye....